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DO NOT COPY! I’LL BITE!
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I got this mail today which is worth sharing. In fact as IHM pointed out to me in synchronises with her blog entry today. There are no coincidences in this universe …..domestic violence and male insecurities are being discussed on blogosphere today – it is blogosphere’s Bell Bajao I guess.
A while earlier I had read Mad Momma’s blog entry on domestic violence. A good friend of mine runs a beauty parlour and she tells me horrifying tales of some regular clients of hers who are “camouflage clients”, women who come to get their bruises covered as they don’t want the world to know that they are beaten up by their husbands. Yes, it is a sick sick world out there …..
The mail says :-
Tommorow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life
Just like you and your sister havent as she was buys in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents &brothers and sisters almost as much as you do for
20-25 years of her
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances,environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, may be more, and yet never ever expected to complain
to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if
she doesn’t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won’t like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster that you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply because you won’t like it even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines just like yours are to be
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success if you just help her some and trust
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house- your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly, your understanding, or love – if you may call it
But not many guys understand this……
Please appreciate “HER”
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning …. She is a housewife. She is creative and willing to learn and grow. Her husband and in laws try every trick in the book to ensure that she does not work. And then even small demands and expenses are denied to her. This is also violence. Her husband is a charming man … but something about his wife makes him insecure …..
May be he knows she has potential and can not handle it?
I hope that in my life time I see women in my country have a fair deal.
I don’t think this is too big a dream to have …..
20 Responses to “The Yin and Yang equation”
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I’ve also received this mail and I loved it. It hits the nail on its head.
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back burner to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent
And we still dance till we are ready to drop 
Not really necessary … !!! They should join each others gangs!
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply because you won’t like it even though you say otherwise
hey not fair, I would rather the couple drunks and daces together! We have done a lot of this until I many years ago I decided to have no hard or aerated drinks and switched to fruit juices and water
That is great IHM. I think your husband and in-laws also need to be commended for it. We women truly need their support
Yes, it IS a sick world out there. How I wish to see women get a fair deal too. This mail truly hits the nail on the head.
“May be he knows she has potential and can not handle it?” ..and thats the truth in more cases than one would like to admit. Sometimes it is not even that, it is merely the man’s own perceived inferiority complex.
Very true Shail
Yea.. so true!
I had so many of these issues when I got married, but, to be fair, my husband was a great support – even though it invoked a lot of unpleasantness for him from his side of the family!
But, this is support and understanding from men is still a minority. Girls and women I know personally, are still struggling with ego issues which their spouses have… I still get raised eyebrows and a lot of “I pity your husband” looks and comments…
I agree Pixie
“There are no coincidences in this universe …..domestic violence and male insecurities are being discussed on blogosphere today – it is blogosphere’s Bell Bajao I guess.”
I also noticed this!! No-coincidence I agree!! Isn’t it amazing!
BTW, Blogger is not working I am not even able to publish my new post:( It seems WordPress and other blogs are working …
Accha? I didnt know
So true, Ritu, so true, all the issues addressed here. Yes, there seem to be some great minds thinking alike on the blogosphere.
Serendipity????
Yes, Ritu, It is so true! So many women put aside their personalities, their lives to make their marriage work. ‘May be he knows she has potential and can not handle it’ – This is so true.. I have seen it happenning so often. When I see that – I just thank my stars that my husband seems to be more confident of my abilties that I am
Though I have to say that things are changing, slowly but surely!
Why is it that women have to make all the effort?
Thanks for pasting it here and also for forwarding this to me too on the gmail. I was awe struck upon reading it. Whoever has composed it, deserves compliments.
I agree Mampi
It is a beautiful write up. But how much of it is possible in India? I hope, one day, India could be an example in the write up… I very strongly hope.
*fingers crossed*
Me too Advitiya. I tried to bring up my sons that way …. and it worked! I am so proud of them
excellent post.
by teh way I have been trying to click on the Satyam post for the past two days but each time it comes as blank. Have you deleted it?
No Aneela, I haven’t. That is strange …..
that was a lovely post… and i agree violence need not necessarily be physical infact the sustained verbal violence does much more damage
today morning started with blog posts like this… Mm’s post, IHM’s post, urs and then another friend who wrote that his aunt is saying she wanst no working dil because how long can she cook… this is the attitude that needs to be changed
PS: i just realised it 11:30 and all have done is read blog posts… gosh addictions are bad
Addictions are good Monika, I love reading the blogs
I don’t get it, why would you want a cook and cleaning lady for your wife.
Why don’t men want to be proud of their partners, why is this a one way game!
GRRRR….
I think its totally the fault of upbringing – bring up little boys to think they are El Supremo and you have very insecure adult men in a few years
I strongly believe its we women who are to blame for this husband-worship thing. We fawn over our sons and brothers and fathers and husbands,and make them believe that all that matters is their comfort. We try to inculcate the same into our daughters and daughters-in-law. And then we expect to be treated fairly. If breakfast is late or cold, its mostly the mums and the MILS who raise a hue over it. The dads and the husbands are quite cool. Ofcourse its different from home to home. But in general, I think we women are to blame for our condition.
I agree
I think there is a very strong social conditioning at work. Most MCPs do not think they are being discriminatory. in all honestly, they think that is the way women are. They actually assume that women like serving them, eating after , pandering to their needs, cooking, doing the household chores generally being subservient. They actually think it is the way the world goes. Which is why “helping out” at home with the babies, the house, is made such a fuss of . Its like if you had to do someone else’s work at the workplace.
I am not condoning that attitude. It develops after a 24*7 bombardment of those messages. “Feminism” is evil. Women are either sluts or goddesses(not normal fallible human beings), “pink is for girls”(yes even that) “girls are bad at math”, and in these enlightened times it is followed by the assertion that equality is there- we have “nothing” to struggle for. Society and conditioning are responsible for these messages- and the men and women who subscribe to them tools of the patriarchy. Another myth is that of motherly “guilt” . All these are more society imposed than always felt. A sort of Pygmalion effect.
What needs to be done is attack the basis of these. And it does not come by a one upmanship or a “girls are as good as boys” kind of surface level messages, but from deeper ones.
Yes, I agree
every time I read this fwd it affects me…
It will be a reality if we all work towards it…in our own immediate lives..
Amen
Amen to that, Chandni
May be it is Tikuli, if you are ready for it
What good is a husband who can not appreciate the talent he has been bestowed on…
on a funny note I am ready to marry all the working women and I vow to let them do whatever they want to in their profession… hahaha…
Very funny Afaque. Are you sure you won’t get competitive about it?
[...] 13, 2009 Blogosphere is hit with gender typecast issues and arguments. From hot rotis to the Yin and Yang equation to working-non working mothers issues; everyone is talking about stereotyping and apathy based on [...]
95% of women and girls i know indulge in self-oppression. they themselves have not realized what’s being done to them. they just accept it. Now who can help them? sometimes i feel that women are never “supposed” to be liberated. this feminist thingie is going on for ages, we have got some rights and along with that, some privileges which in my opinion make us seem weaker. Privileges suck. Many women who work and are independent do not like being superior in any field than their partners even though they have the talent. Many women like domination. Now really, what can we do?
Yes they do Freya, since their self worth has been injured systematically since birth. They are scared to even think that they may be worth it. Yes women have a taste for domination too …. but a balance has to be struck, otherwise they are left feeling like garbage